Today has just been one of those days that did not start off “right.” Usually when I say this there is a particular reason, or something that happened that would trigger the emotion behind this angst. However, today this has not been the case. I never thought I would say this, but I think I may be feeling homesick. Not that I would rather be home right now instead of Florence, but I am constantly thinking about the people and things I miss back home. This sets off this often overwhelming feeling of homesickness and severe loneliness amongst the busyness of Florence life. It is definitely a dual lifestyle, because although I am staying busy and active in Florence, I am constantly reminded of what I am missing back home. As always, I am trying to stay positive, and know I will become a stronger person from this experience. I have so much more of this year to experience, and I want to make the most of it. The hard part comes in balancing my lifestyle between traveling and schoolwork, keeping in touch with home without becoming too involved with everything happening back home, and merely just working on engaging myself in this culture that I have been looking so forward to being apart of.
One aspect that has been particularly hard is fitting in with my peers. I have really been enjoying getting to know so many new people from Gonzaga and other schools, but it is always difficult coming into a program without any good friends. This is usually a good thing—you are forced to go out of your comfort zone and get to know people on a level that you might not if you already had good friends. It is easy for me to make friends—but its often challenging finding friends that you really connect with; people that truly understand you and accept you as the person you are- flaws and all.
I feel as if a lot of the “bonding” that occurs on this trip has been in the constant, daily night life. I love going out and having a good time with friends, but school definitely has priority over going to the bars and clubs. Call me a nerd, but I still want to come out of this program upholding my high GPA. A lot of my friends have put their grades on the back burner, and have dedicated most of their hours to “having a good time.” I find myself almost jealous of this lifestyle, because I am in a constant battle between denying my wants and focusing on what I know is going to benefit me more in the future—good grades. I want to say I can do it all, but I am struggling and this is becoming more apparent. During opening tour and the beginning of the semester I went out often and had a blast. I got to know a lot of the people on the GIF program, and it was great. Now that the schoolwork has picked up, and especially this past week and next week with midterms to worry about I am realizing that I am perhaps isolating myself too much. I especially feel like a hermit because I am forced to “take it easy” with my foot. I obviously can’t go dancing, and walking all around Florence is not good for my condition. Sadly, hearing people in the halls getting together to go out and looking all cute is hurting me on the inside. I want to be more social (it is my nature!) but I have schoolwork, this annoying tendonitis, and other family issues that are consistently on my mind. What do I do? Someone help me! I am at a loss of what to do at this point…
*Note* This photo above is serene photo overlooking the coast of Cinque Terre. So pretty :-D
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2 comments:
Wow! You have really articulated well the feelings of isolation in the midst of plenty. I admire your ability to "see clearly" and to identify the issues; many would not be able to do this and just feel bad and not know why or not admit why. Finding the balance in an ever changing landscape is the next challenge; some weeks schoolwork takes priority; some weeks you can kick back more. I admire your dedication to academics but know that it must be hard when others are out there having a blast every night.
As for homesickness; I get that too. Know that one week from today we'll be there to bring a bit of the Seattle life back into yours. It'll be great to see you. We love you much!!
You say it all so well. when I get back to Houston, I'll look for a diary post or two that I wrote while at Cornell that had the same laments. It is very hard to be far away from home amongst a bunch of new folks - even if you are having fun.
Good for you to stay studying. I suspect there will be time to go out. Could be a temporary blessing in disguise for your foot. This is a great post.
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