The concept of being "alone"

This is a very odd and rare weekend for me because I am here, practically alone in Florence. Yes, yes, there are people here staying for the weekend but none of my close friends. You might think that this is the perfect time to "branch" out and meet new people but I am hesitating doing this. Why? Keep reading...

All my friends know me as a very outgoing and extroverted person. However, people who do not know me often think I am somewhat shy and reserved. What gives? Although I am always down for meeting new people and being social, I often am scared to make that "first move." I have been forced especially to do that here in Europe having not come with any good friends. Although I have met some amazing people, I have noticed that I haven't "bonded" with a lot of my peers here for whatever reason. That is, until a couple weeks ago...

It always seems that people come into your life when you least expect it. One primary example is my current boyfriend, Chris, who pretty much just "popped" into my life just weeks before I left for school. Although we knew that it seemed crazy to jump into anything serious, we knew after our first date that something just "clicked." I think this is the same for potential good friends as well... something just "clicks" and there is a certain moment when you think "Wow, I think we could become good friends..." This past semester I was almost fighting to find these "close friends" that I could have a connection with. However, something didn't feel right and I was pushing it thinking something was wrong with me. I think that I had the wrong perception because friendships evolve naturally and cannot be forced. I have a lot of friends here in Florence, but the good friends are far and few. I am lucky to say I bonded with my past room mate, Lillian, who is now back in school in Texas. Also, I have bonded to a certain extent with Cierra, Emma, and Annie. They are all amazing girls that I have spent lots of time with, and for that I am grateful.

Going off my thoughts from above, a couple weeks ago I met Georgina (who I went to Brugges with) on Christmas tour. She was one of two new students who attended the tour. I could never do that; going into something where you know you'll know absolutely NO one. I give her props for that for sure. We bonded immediately, and although we have had our ups and downs already, we have established a close friendship that I perceive will last. Soon after the trip ended and I was situated back in Florence, I met Jessie, who is one of the sweetest persons I have ever met. Immediately we got along great and soon enough Georgina, myself and Kristin (who was visiting last weekend) hung out for almost the entire weekend. I am lucky enough to say I think I have found two new potentially great friends! I am definitely glad I have stuck it out for the year, because I would never have guessed the things in store for me to come. I am still in wonder...

Now back to the concept of being "alone". Sadly enough, I pretty much am "alone" this weekend. Annie and Emma are off in Rome visiting a friend, Cierra is spending this weekend with her boyfriend who has been here for two weeks, and my new friends Georgina and Jessie are on their opening tour in Rome with the rest of the new Spring students. Although I know a few people staying here for the weekend, none of them have followed through with hanging out. I have done the efforts- texted, facebooked, and called a few of them asking if they want to go to dinner. I only heard a response from two people. One friend said he would call me when he finalized dinner plans... its 7:00 and I haven't heard from him. Another person when asked what they are doing for dinner simply responded, "I don't know..." with no follow through as to what I was doing. If you were to ask me 6 months ago what an evening like this would do to me I would probably be devastated and in tears because I felt I had no friends. Over dramatic? You bet, but as a very social person mixed with sensitivity... I often can't help but over analyze the fact that these so called "friends" decided not to answer or follow through with plans personally. I constantly make the effort to hang out with new people, but unfortunately I find that more often than not, they rarely show true interest in hanging out or getting to know me for whatever reason. Florence is not the first time for this kind of trouble for me. In High school I experienced a similar hard time being apart of the cheer squad, and again my freshman year of College, trying to fit in and almost forcing friendships with the girls on my floor.

What is the point to all my rambling? The point is I think I am finally becoming at peace with myself... just being alone and taking time to reflect on the week, things on my mind; or as I say "whateves!" This is a vast improvement for me because I am definitely not the introverted type like my mom, and I almost loathe being by myself. I feel restless and agitated and, well, I feel like a loser to be honest. Although I have made efforts to hang with friends tonight, I have chosen that I will not get hung up on the idea that if the don't call me back or contact me in some way, that I won't take it to heart. People are mainly just concerned with themselves, and because they are not good friends of mine, what obligation do they have to me? Depressing sounding, I know, but I have learned that real friendships come naturally and if they aren't meant to be, they just aren't meant to be.

I think I am going to spend the evening watching some sex and the city episodes, and perhaps start homework (although I doubt it because I forgot to take my adderall today and its the weekend, come on... haha)

Ciao Ragazzi!

A few of the pictures taken above are from last week on my visits to Perugia, Assisi, and Sienna. I thought they were all very peaceful and serene..enjoy!