The concept of being "alone"

This is a very odd and rare weekend for me because I am here, practically alone in Florence. Yes, yes, there are people here staying for the weekend but none of my close friends. You might think that this is the perfect time to "branch" out and meet new people but I am hesitating doing this. Why? Keep reading...

All my friends know me as a very outgoing and extroverted person. However, people who do not know me often think I am somewhat shy and reserved. What gives? Although I am always down for meeting new people and being social, I often am scared to make that "first move." I have been forced especially to do that here in Europe having not come with any good friends. Although I have met some amazing people, I have noticed that I haven't "bonded" with a lot of my peers here for whatever reason. That is, until a couple weeks ago...

It always seems that people come into your life when you least expect it. One primary example is my current boyfriend, Chris, who pretty much just "popped" into my life just weeks before I left for school. Although we knew that it seemed crazy to jump into anything serious, we knew after our first date that something just "clicked." I think this is the same for potential good friends as well... something just "clicks" and there is a certain moment when you think "Wow, I think we could become good friends..." This past semester I was almost fighting to find these "close friends" that I could have a connection with. However, something didn't feel right and I was pushing it thinking something was wrong with me. I think that I had the wrong perception because friendships evolve naturally and cannot be forced. I have a lot of friends here in Florence, but the good friends are far and few. I am lucky to say I bonded with my past room mate, Lillian, who is now back in school in Texas. Also, I have bonded to a certain extent with Cierra, Emma, and Annie. They are all amazing girls that I have spent lots of time with, and for that I am grateful.

Going off my thoughts from above, a couple weeks ago I met Georgina (who I went to Brugges with) on Christmas tour. She was one of two new students who attended the tour. I could never do that; going into something where you know you'll know absolutely NO one. I give her props for that for sure. We bonded immediately, and although we have had our ups and downs already, we have established a close friendship that I perceive will last. Soon after the trip ended and I was situated back in Florence, I met Jessie, who is one of the sweetest persons I have ever met. Immediately we got along great and soon enough Georgina, myself and Kristin (who was visiting last weekend) hung out for almost the entire weekend. I am lucky enough to say I think I have found two new potentially great friends! I am definitely glad I have stuck it out for the year, because I would never have guessed the things in store for me to come. I am still in wonder...

Now back to the concept of being "alone". Sadly enough, I pretty much am "alone" this weekend. Annie and Emma are off in Rome visiting a friend, Cierra is spending this weekend with her boyfriend who has been here for two weeks, and my new friends Georgina and Jessie are on their opening tour in Rome with the rest of the new Spring students. Although I know a few people staying here for the weekend, none of them have followed through with hanging out. I have done the efforts- texted, facebooked, and called a few of them asking if they want to go to dinner. I only heard a response from two people. One friend said he would call me when he finalized dinner plans... its 7:00 and I haven't heard from him. Another person when asked what they are doing for dinner simply responded, "I don't know..." with no follow through as to what I was doing. If you were to ask me 6 months ago what an evening like this would do to me I would probably be devastated and in tears because I felt I had no friends. Over dramatic? You bet, but as a very social person mixed with sensitivity... I often can't help but over analyze the fact that these so called "friends" decided not to answer or follow through with plans personally. I constantly make the effort to hang out with new people, but unfortunately I find that more often than not, they rarely show true interest in hanging out or getting to know me for whatever reason. Florence is not the first time for this kind of trouble for me. In High school I experienced a similar hard time being apart of the cheer squad, and again my freshman year of College, trying to fit in and almost forcing friendships with the girls on my floor.

What is the point to all my rambling? The point is I think I am finally becoming at peace with myself... just being alone and taking time to reflect on the week, things on my mind; or as I say "whateves!" This is a vast improvement for me because I am definitely not the introverted type like my mom, and I almost loathe being by myself. I feel restless and agitated and, well, I feel like a loser to be honest. Although I have made efforts to hang with friends tonight, I have chosen that I will not get hung up on the idea that if the don't call me back or contact me in some way, that I won't take it to heart. People are mainly just concerned with themselves, and because they are not good friends of mine, what obligation do they have to me? Depressing sounding, I know, but I have learned that real friendships come naturally and if they aren't meant to be, they just aren't meant to be.

I think I am going to spend the evening watching some sex and the city episodes, and perhaps start homework (although I doubt it because I forgot to take my adderall today and its the weekend, come on... haha)

Ciao Ragazzi!

A few of the pictures taken above are from last week on my visits to Perugia, Assisi, and Sienna. I thought they were all very peaceful and serene..enjoy!

"Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get"

This is one of my favorite quotes. It is taken from the movie Forest Gump, staring Tom Hanks. I find this saying extremely applicable to everyday life situations.

For me, chocolate boxes are definitely luck of the draw. I was known back in my younger days to eat one bite of a chocolate and then put it back in the box, as if someone else would actually want to eat it later. My parents always told me not to do it, but I continually "taste tested" all the chocolates in the box until all that was left were mere remants of the pieces I did not want.

Unfortunately, life does not work this way. One cannot simply take a bite of a situation, decide they do not like it, and simply and put it back in the box to forget about their current dilemma. Instead, one must commit to the action and follow through with the consequences; in more simpler terms, one must eat the disgusting chocolate piece (such as cherry... yuck!) and (hopefully)learn from the experience.

I can definitely relate this quote to my everyday trials and tribulations being abroad. Overall, the experiences or "chocolates" have been delicious and enjoyable, however a few bad experiences have temporarily let me down. I have learned not to dwell on the small things being abroad; I tend to get very hung up on the "small stuff" but than I miss out on other great experiences because I was too focused on the negatives around me. I also have been forced to relie on myself for my complete happiness. My year in a foreign country is truly a once and a lifetime experience for me, and I must treasure every moment that I have before its gone. I often wear my emotions on my sleeve because I am a very sensitive person; being completely indepedent in a culture so unlike my own has put me in a vulnerable situation that has made me a more flexible, adaptable, and open person. I am extremely greatful for that.

One thing that I found to be ironic is the plane flight that all my friends were scheduled to go on to Amsterdam got canceled this morning due to weather problems (perhaps snow?). Now, Lillian and I are most likely responsible to find another place to stay tonight, as my friend Jen is going to cancel the group hostel package (unless she can still manage to reserve two spots in the room). Also, we had to change our flight because Lillian and I were idiots in scheduling our flight to Amsterdam out of Milan, instead of Pisa. We found out that we would be traveling from two in the afternoon today until 9 or so in the morning on Friday due to layovers in trains, etc. Like the saying goes, life really is like a box of chocolates with no predictability. Often times you can asses the outside of the chocolate and be confident it is the flavor you want, and although many times you are correct, once and awhile you get an unfavorable taste that you want to spit out. This is what makes life interesting though; unpredictability. Often times things work out better in the end after struggles occur. The fact that the future is unforseeable is frightening yet exciting at the same time. If we always knew what lies in our future, where is the fun in living?

I will leave it at that. Those are my thoughts for the day... I will post later this weekend or when I get back on Monday.

Ciao Ragazzi!